


Local Space Time

by neon_bible



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Bottom Armitage Hux, Crack, M/M, Past Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Princess Leia forever, Space Brunch, Space New Years, Top Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 14:43:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9128290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neon_bible/pseuds/neon_bible
Summary: Hux wakes after the Space New Year’s Eve Party to find he’s fallen in love with Kylo -- and Kylo wakes up to find that his mom has planned a wedding for him and his ex. The two embark (hungover) on a cross-galaxy mission to cancel the wedding and attend a mandatory brunch meeting with Snoke.





	1. I Will Wait Around For You

**7 a.m. Local Space Time (LST)**

Hux didn’t make a habit of waking up in someone else’s bed, so when his eyes blinked open, and he took in the room, and felt the heavy arm draped over his waist, his muscles stiffened and the hairs on his arms stood on end.

_Where am I?_

On the chair opposite him, there was an arrangement of black cloaks, with heavy boots slumped over next to them. A lightsaber hilt stuck out from the pile.

_Who did I fuck? Surely, it’s wasn’t--_

Hux turned to see Kylo sleeping soundly next to him. He snoozed quietly, breathing in and out, his chest rising and falling. The blankets were bunched around his waist and judging by the two pairs of underwear on the floor, Hux figured Kylo probably wasn’t wearing anything under there. Hux became very aware of how naked he was, throwing Kylo’s arm off of him and searching the floor for his clothes.

_I shouldn’t have done this._

Hux pulled the sheets from the bed, wrapping them around his waist as he searched Kylo’s room for his clothes. Now exposed to the air, Kylo stirred as Hux dug through the piles of clothes on Kylo’s floor. Kylo was naked too, curling in with a pillow now and murmuring something Hux couldn’t understand.

Once Hux was standing, he became aware of how much his head hurt. The inside of his skull pounded, and his mouth tasted like rusted copper. He wagered a glance at Kylo’s naked body and overlooked his lean muscles, perfectly round ass and broad shoulders. There was an empty space in the bed next to him where Hux had slept, curled up in Kylo’s arms, warm, safe and happy. Hux shook his head.

_No. Don’t you dare get back into that bed with him._

He found his clothes and went out to the living room, hoping he could get dressed and slip out without waking Kylo. Hux cursed whatever poorly calculated, alcohol-induced malfunction of his brain had led him to come home with Kylo Ren as he pulled on his underwear, then his pants. He put his shirt on, but couldn’t find his jacket. He cursed under his breath and counted it a loss.

“Hux?” a sleepy voice from the bedroom called to him.

Hux rolled his eyes. He heard footsteps shuffling and then Kylo appeared at the living room entrance dressed in his underwear.

“Are you leaving?” Kylo asked.

“Clearly,” Hux said.

“Okay?” Kylo said, crossing his arms over his still bare chest and shrugging, “I thought maybe you’d want to like … talk?”

“We have nothing to talk about,” Hux said and slipped on his shoes.

“Of course we do.”

“No, we don’t.”

“Hux,” Kylo said, “Do you not remember?”

“The last thing I remember is you feeding me tequila,” Hux muttered.

“You asked for tequila.”

“I need to go.”

“We should talk,” Kylo said.

“About what, Kylo?”

Kylo sighed. “You really don’t remember?”

“I just told you the last thing I remember is you feeding me tequila, then I learned some inane dance.”

“That was the lean and dab. That was like 11:00, Hux,” Kylo said, “And you _asked_ for tequila. You really don’t remember anything after that?”

“I need to go,” Hux said again.  

“You were actually pretty good at the lean and dab.”

“Kylo,” Hux said tiredly, his hand on the doorknob, “If you have something you wanted to say before I go, your window of opportunity is closing quickly.”

Kylo sighed. “You told me you loved me.”

**EIGHTEEN HOURS EARLIER (1 p.m. Local Space Time)**

“I take our annual Space New Year’s Eve party very seriously,” Hux said as he passed around binders containing the party itinerary, “I do not take absences lightly and I will follow through with disciplinary measures for any officers or stormtroopers who are not in attendance at tonight’s event.”

The officers nearest Hux took the binders lazily, flipping through the pages and passing them on down the line with little attention given to speed.

“And we only have 60 minutes scheduled for this meeting so I appreciate your efficiency in moving things along,” Hux snapped. The officers passed the binders quicker.

Just as Hux was licking his thumb and turning to page two, the door swooshed open. Kylo stood there, entering with a forceful gust and taking a seat near the back.

“Lord Ren,” Hux said, “You’re late.”

“I’m aware,” Kylo said.

“You’ll have to review the meeting minutes to be filled in one what you’ve missed,” Hux said.

“I’m forty-five seconds late, General,” Kylo said.

“So, you’ve missed forty-five seconds of information, which you can find in the meeting minutes to which I’ve just referred.”

“As you wish, General.”

Hux rolled his eyes and re-directed the committee’s attention to the party schedule index, where he’d listed emergency evacuation protocols and exit routes. When he’d bored them sufficiently with the index, he moved on to the program itself.

“As you know, we’ve chosen a pitch-in style meal for this year’s event,” Hux sighed, “Though I prefer professional catering, survey results indicated that 94% of the staff and crew are interested in partaking in a dreadful pitch-in meal. Due to this overwhelming majority, I had no choice but to honor their wishes.”

Everyone turned to the next page.

“Menu item submissions were due by end of business last Friday, so we are now working with a finalized menu,” Hux sighed again, “And, special thanks to Lord Ren for overseeing menu curation and ensuring food safety standards for all dishes.”

There was light applause. Kylo nodded.

Hux droned on for another 48 minutes about stringent rules and scheduling stipulations no one cared about, before opening the floor for questions. There weren’t any. Hux adjourned the final party planning committee meeting, but asked Kylo to stick around.

Kylo stayed seated while the rest of the officers filed out. Once the last officer was gone and the door had swooshed shut, Hux thumbed through his binder.

“Where did you complete your culinary training, Lord Ren?”

Kylo sighed. “You’ve waited until now to question my culinary credentials, General?” Kylo asked, rising and stalking over to the window.

“I’m only asking a question.”

“I studied at The Coruscant Institute of Culinary Arts.”

“That’s one of the best in the galaxy,” Hux said, straightening.

“I know that.”

“Was culinary school a part of whatever form of dark Jedi training you were engaged in? Or was this a personal pursuit?”

“I’m not a Jedi, General. And, if you’re done insulting my training, I’ll be going now,” Kylo waved a hand and the doors opened.

“Could you please use the door’s motion sensors like everyone else?” Hux asked, “The door will open when you’re close enough to it, you know. Your Force meddling confuses the circuits. All the doors on bridge level are malfunctioning now thanks to you.”

“I’ll use the motion sensors,” Kylo said, heading for the door, “Are we finished?”

“Ren-” Hux said, “Wait.”

“Did you actually need something, General?”

Hux sighed. “I signed up to bring Beef Wellington.”

“I saw that,” Kylo said, “Your dish will perfectly round out our third course.”

Hux sighed again. “Well,” he began, “I’ve tried to make it, but I’ve come up short.”

“Then I suggest you try again, General,” Kylo said, “The party is in five hours.”

“I’ve tried several times, Ren.”

“How many times, General?”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“You want my help.”

Hux tilted his nose into the air. “I don’t,” Hux said, “I was just going to ask for a few tips.”

“That’s called asking for help.”

Hux shut his binder.

“You know that Beef Wellington is one of the most difficult dishes in the culinary world to prepare and execute properly?” Kylo asked.

“I’ve since learned.”

“Perhaps you should’ve chosen Green Bean Casserole,” Kylo said.

Hux felt his face burn.

“Or baked chicken,” Kylo offered.

“Forget it, Ren,” Hux said, “I’ll figure it out on my own.”

“That seems unlikely, General.”

“Then I’ll bring something else.”

“I’ve staked all the appetizers and our entire third course on your Beef Wellington,” Kylo said.

“Can you help me prepare a Beef Wellington dish or not, Lord Ren,” Hux said, “You’re clearly enjoying this. Watching me grovel.”

“I can help you, General,” Kylo said, “I have an email to send to Snoke, and then I’m all yours.”

Hux felt himself blush.

“Meet me at my quarters in a half-hour,” Kylo said, exiting through the door now, and using its motion sensors instead of his hand. He added over his shoulder, “You don’t need to bring anything. I already have the ingredients. I figured you’d be coming to me for help.”

///

**2:30 p.m. Local Space Time (LST)**

When Hux arrived at Kylo’s quarters a half-hour later, he was greeted by Phasma. She was wearing an oversized holiday sweater and drinking eggnog. 

“Hi, General,” she said, opening the door wide to let him enter.

“Captain,” he said.

“What are you doing here?” Hux asked.

“I always hang out here. Plus, Kylo’s making my dish too,” she said with a shrug, “So I’m here to help. And by that I mean drink.”

“Oh,” he said, “What are you bringing?”

“Green Bean Casserole.”

Hux nodded and looked around Kylo’s quarters. The space was spotless, with minimal, but smart decor. Hux had imagined Kylo lived like some sort of boorish animal, but as he looked around now at the pristine art collection and culturally significant artifacts, he realized he’d misjudged. Hux’s eyes bulged when he saw a painting hanging over the fireplace. _Is that a Cézanne?_

“General.”

Hux looked up to see Kylo coming from the kitchen. He was dressed in a white apron, a _Death Star_ t-shirt and bare feet. His hair was pulled up into a bun and his cheeks were rosy.

“Lord Ren,” Hux said.

“Can I offer you a drink?” Kylo asked and Hux realized he’d only heard and seen Kylo a couple of times without his helmet, “I’ve just made eggnog.”

“Made it?”

“Yes.”

“Like, from scratch?”

“Yes.”

“With what?”

“Egg yolks and whiskey.”

Hux nodded.

Phasma was stretched out on the Kylo’s chaise with her feet up and her glass empty. “Could I get some more, Kylo?”

Hux looked on. Phasma was wearing a sweater and leggings, her hair a mess and her cheeks rosy too. Had he interrupted something? Had they been--

“Phasma and I aren’t lovers, General,” Kylo said, entering the room again with a glass of eggnog for Hux and another for Phasma.

“No,” Hux said, “I wasn’t--”

“If you’ll join me in the kitchen, I’ve already sliced the steak and dusted it in flour.”

///

Hux didn’t so much _help_ _cook_ as he simply stood around and drank eggnog while he watched Kylo cook. Kylo had upgraded his kitchen upon move-in to something more fitting for a gourmet chef, and now all eight of his gas burners were alight with preparations for his dishes, Phasma’s and Hux’s too.

“What’s that for?” Hux asked, nodding to cutting board with mushrooms, shallots, garlic and thyme.

“That’s for the Duxelles.”

Hux nodded like he knew what _Duxelles_ were. Kylo added butter and olive oil to a saute pan and switched on the burner. He was skilled and swift, having no problem managing all the gas burners, and the dishes in the oven, while carrying on a conversation with Phasma from the living room.

“Can you get the food processor from the top left cupboard?” Kylo asked as he chopped up the ingredients on the cutting board in the blink of an eye. 

Hux didn’t know what a food processor was, but hoped it would make itself apparent when he opened the top left cupboard.

“It looks like a blender,” Kylo said.

“Please stop doing that,” Hux said as he opened the cupboard, “The whole mind-reading thing.”

Kylo opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by Phasma. “Kylo!”

“What?”

“What are you wearing tonight?”

“A suit, Phas.”

“Which one?”

“I don’t know,” he said, “One of the Italian ones.”

They’d been shouting back and forth for nearly a half hour. Hux brought the food processor down and plugged it in.

“This looks very complicated, Kylo,” Hux said, watching as Kylo dumped the ingredients into the processor and pulsed it.

“It is,” Kylo said, “One of the most complicated dishes in the culinary world. I said as much in our meeting this afternoon.”

“And you know how to do this without a recipe or instructions?”

“I do. I’m a chef, General,” Kylo said, “That’s what culinary school is for.”

Hux nodded. Kylo emptied the food processor contents into the saute pan and gave it a toss.

“You should wear the _Brunello Cucinelli_ ,” Phasma yelled.

“Alright, Phas,” Kylo said.

“Can I get dressed here?” she yelled.  

“Whatever you want, Phas,” Kylo said, giving the pan another toss.

“You and Phasma are friends when you’re off-duty?” Hux asked.

“Yes,” Kylo said, “What, you couldn’t tell? Given the way we argue and bicker on the bridge all day?”

“I want you to wear your hair up too!” Phasma yelled, “I sent you a picture I found online.”

Hux swallowed as he watched Kylo’s strong hands knead a pastry dough. His glass was empty.

He cleared his throat. “Could I have some plain whiskey?”

“Yes. It’s on the liquor cart,” Kylo said, “Pour me some too, would you?”

“Sure,” Hux said with confidence, “How do you take it?”

“Straight is fine,” Kylo said.

“Are you sure?” Hux said, shoulders straightening, “Though I’m inept at cooking, I do know how to make a good cocktail.”

“Straight is fine.”

Hux poured a whiskey and delivered it to Kylo, then settled back in to watch him shingle the prosciutto.

“You enjoy watching me cook, General,” Kylo said.

Hux shrugged.

Kylo used a spatula to spread the Duxelles over the prosciutto.

“Do you have a date tonight?”

“A date?”

“Yeah. For the party.”

Hux felt his cheeks burn. “Oh,” he said, “No. I don’t.”

“Would you like to go with Phasma and I?” Kylo asked, “We go to the Space New Year’s Eve party together every year, but you’re welcome to join us this year, if you’d like.”

///

**6 p.m. Local Space Time (LST)**

Hux had dressed in his tux and met Kylo and Phasma at the hangar to catch their VIP shuttle to _Starkiller Base._

When Hux arrived, Kylo and Phasma were already there, their dishes in tow. Hux had his Beef Wellington, which Kylo had packaged nicely in a glass Pyrex dish. Hux swallowed when he saw Kylo -- dressed exquisitely in a finely tailored suit and bowtie, with polished shoes and perfectly coiffed hair. He hadn’t worn it up, like Phasma had requested, but Hux liked it. It was slick and casual, but delicate and formal. Hux felt the blood rise to cheeks. He approached them.

“Lord Ren,” Hux began, “You look --” _Say something nice, say something nice. He made your Beef Wellington and asked you to be his date and he’s beautiful, say something nice._

“Surprisingly not boorish,” Hux finished.

“Thank you, General,” Kylo said, “You’re attractive, as usual. You’re quite a vision in a three-piece suit. Is that a Burberry? Last year’s Winter Collection?”

Hux’s mouth gaped. He nodded.

They were instructed to board the shuttle and Kylo let Hux and Phasma board first, then boarded last and offered to make them drinks for the flight. Hux sighed as he watched Kylo work on a complicated drink. _How was I supposed to know the insufferable Kylo Ren was a handsome, well-rounded gentleman with extensive culinary training, and the manners of a royal Duke?_

“Well my mother’s a princess. And my family bloodline is the royalty of the universe,” Kylo said as he stirred a drink.

“What are you talking about?” Phasma said.

“Don’t worry about it, Phas,” Kylo said, and handed her a drink, “Here’s your Sazerac.”

“What can I make for you, General?”

///

When Hux considered his ideal partner, he found that Kylo checked off quite a few of the boxes. Tall, dark and handsome. Smart and poised, with good breeding (bonus points for the royal bloodline), with a wealth of knowledge and skills surrounding food, arts, rhetoric, arithmetic and science. He also preferred his partners to be involved in military and/or politics.

Hux sat out his Beef Wellington then went to the bar to order a drink. Since they were saving money on the catering bill, they’d been able to afford an open bar. Hux figured if he steeled his nerves with top-shelf liquor, he’d become tipsy enough to pay Kylo a proper compliment.

He ordered the finest Kentucky bourbon they had, and then stood to look out over the party. Everyone was dressed nicely, with a few stormtroopers on duty for security, and a few troopers and officers staffed on the _Finalizer_ and _Starkiller Base_ bridges as well. Hux sipped his Bourbon and felt Kylo approach from behind him.

“General,” Kylo said.

“Lord Ren.”

“Is that your drink for the night? Bourbon?”

“Yes.”

“Finish it,” Kylo said, “Then dance with me. Do you know the waltz?”

///

Hux didn’t like to admit that he wasn’t nearly as familiar with the waltz as he’d like to be.

“That’s alright. Just follow my lead, General,” Kylo said as he placed a hand on Hux’s lower back and used his other hand to hold Hux’s.

Hux nodded and felt his body gracing Kylo’s as they moved swiftly, but easily with the music.

“Are your eyes blue or green, General?”

“You don’t have to keep calling me that.”

“Alright,” Kylo said, “Are your eyes blue or green, Armitage?”

“Don’t call me that either.”

“What should I call you?”

“Hux is fine.”

“Are your eyes blue or green, Hux?”

“You’re looking at them and you don’t know?”

“I can’t tell.”

“Well then I suppose they’re blue/green,” Hux said.

“They’re beautiful,” Kylo said.

Hux felt his cheeks blush.

“Normally, you’re not my type,” Kylo said, not missing a step.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s your type?”

“Short, stocky brunettes with dark features and an easy-going, laid-back attitude.”

Hux scoffed. “And what am I?”

“Beg your pardon?”

“If that’s your type and I’m not it, then what am I?”

“Pretty much the opposite. A tall, skinny ginger with fair features, blue eyes and a high strung personality.”

“My eyes are green -- ish,” Hux said, “And I’m not high strung.”

Kylo chuckled.

“Did I say something funny?” Hux asked.

“What’s your type, Hux?” Kylo asked.

“I don’t have one.”

“Really?” Kylo said, “Because I think I’m your type.”

Hux huffed.

“It’s alright,” Kylo said, “You can pretend you’re not into me. I don’t mind.”

“I’m not into you.”

“Right,” Kylo said.

Hux turned his nose up. The song ended and Kylo held Hux’s hand as he bowed, then let go.

“More Bourbon?” he asked.

///

**10 p.m. Local Space Time (LST)**

Three hours into the party, Hux was almost drunk enough to pay Kylo a compliment. Between drinks, he’d scribbled some ideas in the notebook he always kept on him. He’d come up with four options: _You have nice hair. Your cologne smells nice. Your face is intriguing. You’re not as idiotic as I thought you’d be._

Hux scratched the last one off the list as Phasma approached him with more eggnog and a plate of Beef Wellington. Her cheeks were flushed and rosy. 

“General Armitage Hux,” she said loudly.

Hux rolled his eyes. “Hello, Captain.”

“What are you doing over here?” she yelled, “Why aren’t you talking to Kylo?”

“How much eggnog have you had, Captain?”

“You’re going home with Kylo, right?”

“Could you say that a little louder? I don’t think they heard you in the Outer Rim.”  

“He’s a really good fuck!” Phasma said, “At least that’s what I’ve heard!”

“That’s great, Phasma.”

“He likes you,” she said and took another gulp of her eggnog, “Also, there’s a thing happening on the bridge.”

“What’s happening on the bridge?”

“What’s in your notebook?” Phasma yelled.

“It’s nothing,” Hux said, “What’s happening on--”

“Lemme see!” Phasma snatched the notebook from Hux, spilling some of her eggnog in the process. She turned to the page Hux had dog-eared and began reading aloud.

“You have nice hair! Your cologne smells nice! Your face is intriguing. You’re not as idiotic as--”

Hux snatched it back.

“Those are about Kylo?” she said, her eyes growing wide.

“Captain,” Hux said, “That’s enough. Tell me what happened on the bridge?”

“I dunno!” She said and shrugged, again gulping her eggnog. “They paged Kylo.”

“Why didn’t they page me?”

Phasma shrugged. “They didn’t want to bother you I think.”

Hux cursed under his breath. He dug his pager out of his pocket.

“It’s probably fine!” She said, gesturing, her eggnog spilling over the edge of her glass, “Are you trying to decide how to hit on Kylo? Is that what the notebook is for?”

“That’s enough, Captain. I’m going to check out the bridge,” Hux murmured, stuffing his notebook in his pocket and excusing himself from the party. 

///

**11 p.m. Local Space Time (LST)**

By the time Hux returned to the party, the noise level had risen several decibels. The bar had run out of vodka, cranberry juice, and whiskey, so the masses had set their sights on gin. Hux ordered a gin drink and tried to relax. The crisis on the bridge had been a false alarm, but Kylo was still on edge, which was keeping Hux on edge.

They’d learned that the Resistance had briefly locked a missile onto the _Finalizer’s_ current location, but the threat had dissipated within moments. The Resistance had sent an email apologizing for the misunderstanding, but that did little to placate Hux and Kylo.

“Something doesn’t feel right, Armitage,” Kylo said as he swirled his gin and tonic.

“Please don’t call me that.”

“Sorry, General.”

“Just call me Hux.”

“Sorry, Hux.”

“Perhaps something doesn’t feel right because the Resistance just had a missile locked onto us.”

Kylo shrugged and sighed.

“What is it?” Hux asked.

“My mom always plays a New Year’s Eve prank on me,” he said, “She’s been doing it since I was a kid.”

“A New Year’s Eve prank?”

Kylo nodded.

“And you think her prank this year is to pretend to blow up the flagship on which you’re employed?”

“I don’t know.”

Hux took another sip of his drink and cleared his throat.

“I like all the moles you have on your face,” he said suddenly. _Where did that come from?_

Kylo looked at him, his mouth turning up into a gradual smile. “Thank you, General.”

“You’re welcome,” Hux said with a nod.

“Would you like to get a closer look?”

“What?”

“At my face?”

“Kylo, what are you--?

“Dance with me?” Kylo asked.

///

Hux and Kylo danced again, slower this time, while the quartet they’d hired played a nice Brahms selection.

“Still worried about the missile?” Hux asked, inspecting Kylo’s face closely.

“No,” Kylo said, “The missile was just a distraction. I’m worried about what she’s hiding by hoping we’ll focus on the missile.”

“I have our best tactical teams on it,” Hux said.

“I know,” Kylo said.

“And they’ll page us if anything’s wrong,” Hux said, “Our shields are--”

“I know, General,” Kylo said, “I’m not worried about the missile. Let’s talk about something else, okay?”

“Okay,” Hux said. They danced quietly.

“What are you looking forward to in the New Space Year, General?” Kylo asked.

“I’d like to rule the galaxy.”

“I already know that,” Kylo said, “What about from a personal standpoint?”

“I’d like to get a new cat tree for Millicent and I’d like to learn how to play the clarinet.”

“Why the clarinet?”

“I’ve always wanted to play the clarinet.”

Kylo nodded.

“What about you?” Hux asked.

“I’d like to open a series of locally-run and locally-staffed food kitchens,” Kylo said.

“Food kitchens?”

Kylo nodded, “Yes. For colonies in the Western Reaches. I’m partnering with a humanitarian relief organization to have them built and outfitted with personnel and resources. It’ll help support their local ecosystems and economies. They’ll have fresh food and more jobs.”

Hux opened his mouth to offer a quippy response, but nothing came to him.

“That’s wonderful,” Hux said, “That’s terribly kind of you, Kylo.”

Kylo nodded. “It’s something Ben always wanted to do.”

“Who’s Ben?”

Kylo shook his head.

“I also want to learn to care for and love someone besides myself,” Kylo said, “And do a _better_ job of caring for and loving myself. And visit my parents more.”

“Oh,” Hux said, realizing now how stupid and selfish his cat tree and clarinet goals sounded.

“It seems that you care for Phasma?” Hux said as they danced easily across the floor.

“I do,” Kylo said, “She’s my best friend, but I mean in a more romantic capacity.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” Kylo said.

The gentle Brahms selection they were dancing to was cut off by the sound of an air horn. When they hadn’t been looking, a DJ had wheeled in and set up in the corner. He yelled something in the microphone about turning up, and then the dance floor was rushed while thumping hip-hop played from the speakers.

Hux covered his ears. Kylo laughed.

“What is this?”

“It’s called hip-hop.”

“I know that, Kylo,” Hux said, “What happened to Brahms?”

Kylo took Hux’s hand in his and kissed Hux’s knuckles. “Everyone is drunk. It’s time to dance.”

“I’m not drunk,” Hux said.

“Then let’s get you another drink, General,” he said, “You’re going to need it.”

///

Kylo had given Hux tequila, a liquor he’d sworn off of after graduating from the Academy. He drank it anyways though, because he liked the way Kylo brought it to him and smiled while they danced. He finished the first one and asked for another. The second one went down quicker and easier, and Hux noticed the head on his shoulders felt much lighter.

By the end of his second tequila drink, Hux was pretty sure he’d taken off his jacket to _cool off_ , and had never seen it again. After his third tequila drink, Hux had recalled telling Kylo he had a big nose, but _in a good way_. After his fourth tequila drink, Hux kissed Kylo. After his fifth tequila drink, Hux could only remember the blur of the dance floor and the clock striking midnight and his lips finding Kylo’s again and again.

///

**2 a.m. Local Space Time (LST)**

They’d gone back to Kylo’s quarters together, their lips and tongues colliding as they made their way down the corridor. Kylo swiped to let them into his quarters, then once they were inside, he’d lifted Hux and pinned him against the wall, kissing him deeply.

“General?” Kylo asked.

Hux murmured a response.

“Would you like to go to bed with me?”

Hux rolled his eyes. “Of course I’d like to go to bed with you,” he slurred, “Why else would I be here making out with you at one in the morning?”

“It’s actually two in the morning.”

“Why else would I be here making out with you at two in the morning?”

Kylo smiled and kissed Hux’s nose. “I don’t know. Maybe just to make out?”

“I’d like a good fuck, Kylo.”

“Okay,” Kylo said, brushing some hair from Hux’s forehead with one hand, “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure!”

“Okay,” Kylo said, shifting his weight so he was holding Hux bridal style. He carried him down the hall to the bedroom and plopped him down on the bed.

“You’re okay with bottom?” Kylo asked as he took off his suit jacket and hung it nicely in his closet.

“Yes,” Hux said tugging at his shirt and pants. Kylo crawled onto the bed and helped him undress.

“Do you have a boyfriend, Kylo?” Hux asked as Kylo unbuttoned his shirt and pants.

“No,” Kylo said, “I wouldn’t be sleeping with you if I had a boyfriend, General.”

“When was your last relationship?” Hux asked.

“A few years ago,” Kylo said as he pulled Hux’s shirt off, then his pants.

“Anyone I know?” Hux asked.

“No,” Kylo said, tossing Hux’s clothes to the floor, then pulling his own shirt off. He stood up and disappeared into the bathroom, then came back with condoms and lube.

Hux looked on as Kylo finished undressing, then stroked his cock a few times. He was already hard as he crawled onto the bed and kissed Hux’s stomach.

“Mind if I touch you now, General?” Kylo asked.

Hux nodded and licked his lips.

Kylo pulled Hux’s underwear off. “Lie back for me? “

Hux laid back on the pillows as Kylo kissed his way down Hux’s chest and stomach, then lubed a few of his fingers.

“You’re beautiful, Hux,” Kylo said.

Hux felt his chest blush. “If you say so,” he said.

Kylo smiled and kissed Hux’s belly button a few times. “Relax,” he murmured.

Hux relaxed his muscles and Kylo gently worked a finger in. Hux shut his eyes and tried to remember the last time he’d enjoyed a good fuck.

“You can enjoy a good fuck as often as you’d like, General,” Kylo said, “Just text me, okay?”

Hux nodded.

Kylo continued kissing Hux’s lower belly as he worked a second finger in, then a third. Hux relaxed further into Kylo’s touch, his eyes drifting shut as he relished the feeling of being handled so gently. His sexual encounters were always hasty, utilitarian in nature, and somewhat rough. No one had ever spent so much time preparing him, and he’d never been touched so reverently.

Kylo sighed as he rolled on a condom and then lubed his own cock. “That’s a shame, General,” he said.

“What?” Hux asked.

“That no one’s ever done this for you,” Kylo said, aligning himself with Hux’s entrance, “That no one’s ever taken time to appreciate how beautiful you are.”

Kylo pushed into Hux gently, raising one of Hux’s arms over his head and lacing their fingers together.

“You’re perfect,” Kylo said as he pushed in, “And you’re mine now. At least for tonight.”

Hux nodded. Kylo eventually bottomed out in Hux, then ran a few fingers over Hux’s lips before settling into a steady pace. He didn’t fuck Hux urgently or desperately. He was sweet and gentle, eliciting soft moans from Hux right up until the point where they were both getting close. Kylo reached a hand down to stroke Hux as he fucked Hux a bit faster, in time with his strokes.

Hux moaned louder, his eyes opening briefly to meet Kylo’s gaze. They locked eyes as they came, Kylo inside of Hux and Hux into Kylo’s hand. When they both came back to their breath, Kylo bent to kiss Hux, then pulled out and disappeared into the bathroom again. Hux looked on, already missing Kylo’s warmth and closeness.

“I’m coming right back, Hux,” Kylo said. He reappeared moments later with a damp cloth and used it to wipe off Hux’s stomach.

“Are you alright?” Kylo asked, “Can I get you anything?”

Hux shook his head. “I’m okay,” he said, “Just get into bed with me?”

Kylo nodded, then switched off the lights and got into bed with Hux. Hux snuggled into Kylo’s arms.

“Kylo?”

“Yes?”

“That was a really good fuck,” Hux said, “Thank you.”

Kylo smiled and kissed the back of Hux’s neck. “You’re welcome, General.”

“Kylo?” Hux said again, after a few moments had passed.

“Yes.”

“I think love you.”

**THE MORNING AFTER (7 a.m. Local Space Time)**

“I told you I loved you?” Hux said.

“Yes,” Kylo said.

“When?”

“Right before we fell asleep.”

Hux sighed and rubbed his temples heavily. “My head is killing me.”

“That’s probably from the tequila,” Kylo said, moving past him, “You drank nearly a fifth of it by yourself, I think. I’ll get you some Advil.”

“This isn’t how I wanted to start my New Space Year,” Hux muttered.

“How’s that?” Kylo asked, digging in a cupboard.

“Waking up hungover in bed with you.”

“Sorry,” Kylo shrugged as he filled a glass with water.

He brought the water and Advil to Hux and Hux snatched it from him, then took four.

“Thank you,” Hux said, “For likely ruining my life. I’ll be going now. I need to repair whatever damage was done last night and pretend this whole thing never happened.”

Kylo sighed. “Okay,” he said, shrugging his shoulders again, “Do you just want to meet at the shuttle then?”

“Meet at what shuttle?”

“Mine.”

“Why are we meeting at your shuttle?”

“We have a meeting with Snoke,” Kylo said, “Over brunch. To discuss his _Vision for the New Space Year_ or whatever.”

“Today?” Hux asked, rolling his eyes, "And could I borrow a jacket, please? Something with a large hood."

“Yeah,” Kylo said, “In like, two hours. We have to stop and pick him up too. He’s too hungover to drive.”

Kylo opened the hall closet and found a hoodie for Hux.

“Why wasn’t Snoke at the party last night?” Hux asked as he shrugged on the jacket.

“He had his own party,” Kylo said.

“Snoke threw a party?” Hux asked.

Kylo nodded. “He throws pretty good parties, actually,” Kylo said, “Bruno Mars performed at his party last year.”

Hux sighed. “What time do we need to leave?”

“In an hour, probably,” Kylo said, “I was going to go for a quick run in the gym, then shower and head to my shuttle.”

“Fine,” Hux said, “But, I don’t know how you can run after last night." 

Kylo shrugged. “I run every morning.”

“Of course you do,” Hux muttered, pulling up the hood of his jacket to use as a disguise, “I can’t believe my first act of the New Space Year is doing the walk of shame.”

Kylo handed him a pair of sunglasses too. “The sex was great,” Kylo said.

“I don’t want to think about that.”

“You really enjoyed it.”

“Goodbye, Kylo,” Hux said, “I’ll see you in an hour. This never happened.”

///

Hux stood in his shower for nearly a half hour. The Advil had done little in the way of relieving his headache and his tongue felt like sandpaper. He got out of the shower and toweled off, then shaved and tried to pretend like he hadn’t just had the most humiliating evening of his life. He’d looked up the “lean and dab” dance and imagined the horror of himself doing that on a dance floor surrounded by his subordinates. He made coffee and stood in his kitchen, and remembered how hopeful he’d felt just twelve hours earlier when he watched Kylo make his Beef Wellington.

There was a sharp knock at his door.

He rolled his eyes and opened it to find a single FedEx Priority Mail envelope. He bent and picked it up, then brought it inside and ripped it open while he sipped his coffee and casually entertained the idea that this could be a blackmail letter from one of his officers, threatening to release his “lean and dab” video unless he resigned immediately.

With a panic grip in his chest (and his head still pounding), he opened the letter. It was a beautiful, thick piece of paper, likely handmade with elegant cursive printed, _no--written_ , underneath the elaborate Organa family seal.

Hux had always been secretly jealous of the Organa family’s ornate seal and exquisite branding. Hux scoffed as his eyes scanned the page, his resentment turning into surprise as he realized what he was reading:

_Princess Leia Organa and General Han Solo (ret.)_

_Request the Honor of Your Presence_

_At the Marriage of their Son_

_BEN CHEWBACCA LANDO ANAKIN PADME ORGANA SOLO SKYWALKER (KYLO REN)_

_to_

_POE KES DAMERON_

 

_Saturday, January 14_

_Four O'Clock in the Afternoon_

_The Organa Family Estate, East Garden_

_Organa City, D’Qar_

 

_Dinner and Dancing to Follow_

 

_Please RSVP by January 7 to_

_theOGprincessleia@gmail.com_


	2. So Lay Your Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux wakes after the Space New Year’s Eve Party to find he’s fallen in love with Kylo -- and Kylo wakes up to find that his mom has planned a wedding for him and his ex. The two embark (hungover) on a cross-galaxy mission to cancel the wedding and attend a mandatory brunch meeting with Snoke.

**8 a.m. Local Space Time**

Hux was still drinking coffee when he met Kylo at his shuttle. Kylo was pacing the floor, dressed now in his regular attire. His robes swished around him as he paced.

“Kylo,” Hux said with a nod.

“General,” Kylo muttered through his mask.

“Did you know that you’re getting married in two weeks?”

Kylo turned to Hux.

“I just got the invitation.”

“You got one too?” Kylo pulled his helmet off. His cheeks were red with fury and his eyes were burning.

“I did,” Hux said, “You can imagine my surprise when--”

“Let me see it.”

Hux produced the invitation from his pocket and Kylo snatched it. He read it over, then screamed, then disintegrated the invitation. It turned to dust in his hand.

Hux stared. Behind them, the shuttle roared to life and a hungover hangar attendant put gas in the tank while he yawned.

“I can’t believe she did this!” Kylo ignited his lightsaber in the blink of an eye and tore up the technician’s cart.

Hux backed away as Kylo slashed the cart to pieces. Once he was done, he put the lightsaber away and they stood in silence.

“So I take it you didn’t know this was happening?”

“Of course I didn’t know it was happening!” Kylo yelled and Hux flinched.

“This was her prank for this year, I suppose?

“Yes!”

Hux nodded. “It’s pretty funny.”

Kylo roared, ignited his saber and slashed up another cart. Once he was done, he put his saber away.

“Have you spoken to her yet?”

“No!”

“Perhaps you should?”

Kylo roared again and ignited his saber, but he’d slashed up all the technicians carts. He put it away.

A nervous attendant came down the shuttle’s landing ramp to let them know they could board the shuttle whenever they were ready. Kylo raised a hand, lifting the man off of his feet and then tossing him across the room.

“Kylo!” Hux said, “That’s enough! Put him down!”

Kylo caught the man before he hit the floor, setting him down gently, as the shuttle ramp closed behind him.

“I’m too hungover to deal with your childish rampages today,” Hux said, taking a seat, “Just cancel the wedding.”

“My mom already put down a deposit on the venue with my credit card!”

“Isn’t the wedding at her home?”

“Yes!”

“And she still charged you?”

Kylo dropped his helmet to the ground and stormed over to the cockpit. He pushed the button to raise the doors.

“Get out!” he yelled to the pilot and co-pilot, “I’m driving!”

///

Kylo’s shuttle tore out of the hangar like at a bat out of hell and made a hasty, poorly-calculated, jump to lightspeed. Hux sat in the co-pilot seat, gripping the chair’s armrests on either side.

“Do you have your pilot’s license, Kylo?” Hux asked, watching the stars whiz by through his window.

“Shut up,” Kylo muttered, running a hand through his hair and pulling out his phone. He called Poe and put it on speaker, then used the built-in espresso machine to brew himself some coffee.

The phone picked up on the second ring, and they were met with a series of cheery beeps.

“BB-8,” Kylo said, “Where is Poe?”

The droid beeped back.

“Well can you wake him up, please?”

BB-8 beeped again.

“I don’t care how hungover he is.”

BB-8 beeped a long series of beeps.

“I’m sure it was a great party and I really don’t care how many guys he took home,” Kylo said, his tone rising steadily, “I need to talk to him right now, so either you make it happen or I’ll disintegrate you as soon as I see you.”

BB-8 beeped something quickly then the line went quiet. There was several minutes of silence before a scruffy, _“Hello?”_

“Poe,” Kylo said, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Ben?”

“The next time I see you, I’m going to kill you, and I’m on my way there now so you don’t have to wait long.”

“Ben,” Poe said, “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play stupid with me, Poe. You were in on it!”

“In on what?”

“You haven’t checked your mail?”

“BB-8 checks the mail and brings the paper in every morning.”

In the background, BB-8 could be heard beeping.

“Hold on, Ben,” Poe said, then the line went quiet again. Poe came back a few moments later.

“I didn’t have anything to do with this,” Poe said, “ _Fuck._ I don’t want to be married to you. I can’t even imagine what a nightmare--”

“You didn’t know about this?”

“No!” Poe said, “Of course not. I’d rather marry a womp ra- ”

Kylo hung up. Hux stared.

“Was that Poe Dameron?” Hux asked, “The Resistance pilot?”

“Shut up.”

“You know him?” Hux asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You know _his droid_?”

“He’s my ex and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

Hux shook his head. “This is unbelievable,” he muttered.

Kylo dialed his mom next. Leia picked up immediately.

“Ben,” she said, “Good morning, honey. Did you have a nice New Year’s Eve?”

“Mom!” Kylo yelled, “Are you kidding me right now?”

“Your dad and I had a nice New Year’s Eve. We went to Snoke’s party,” Leia said, “The entertainment was dreadful this year -- he should’e booked Bruno Mars again. But he had one of your classmates cater.”

“Mom,” Kylo said.

“We had a delightful consommé with a perfectly executed _chile en nogada_ and baked alaska to round off the--”

“Mom!” Kylo yelled, “A wedding?”

“You got your invitation?”

“How could you do this!?”

“Well, I know it’s a short timeline, but we’re working with one of the top wedding planners in the Mid Rim, so we shouldn’t have any problem getting the--.”

“I’m not getting married, mom!”

“You always wanted to marry Poe.”

“I don’t want to marry Poe! And he doesn’t want to marry me!”

Leia sighed. “Well if you really don’t want to go through with the wedding, honey, you have until noon today to cancel the venue or you’ll lose your deposit.”

“You charged $20,000 to my credit card, mom!”

“The East Garden is expensive, Ben.”

“How did you even get my credit card number?”

“Han found it in our shared Amazon Prime account.”

Kylo’s hand clenched into a fist.

“Mom,” he said, “This is not a funny prank! Cancel the venue now.”

“I don’t know, honey. Your father likes this one a lot,” she said, “It’s his new favorite. He likes it even more than the time we signed you up to be a Boy Scout Troop Leader.”

“Mom!”

“Do you still get updates about your troop? What were they called? The bear scouts?”

“Mom! Cancel it!”

“You have to cancel it, darling,” she said, “It’s in your name.”

Kylo blew a long breath out this nostrils.

“I’m coming there and I’m cancelling it today,” he said through his teeth.

“Okay,” she said, “But our booking office is closing at noon for the holiday.”

“Mom, I swear. If I lose $20,000 on this deposit--”

“Oh stop it, Ben. You have until noon.”

Kylo hung up.

“Kylo,” Hux said, “What on earth is wrong with your parents?”

“Not now,” Kylo muttered, dialing Snoke now. Snoke answered on the fourth ring.

“Hello?” he bellowed.

“Supreme Leader,” Kylo said, “The General and I will be there to pick you up in one hour. Please be ready to meet us outside. We’re in a hurry.”

Kylo hung up before Snoke could respond.

“You led a boy scout troop?”

“Not now, Hux.”

“Fine,” Hux said, “I’ll leave it alone. But at some point, I want to see pictures.”

///

**9 a.m. Local Space Time**

Kylo honked the horn of his command shuttle from where they were parked outside of the Supreme Leader’s house. He lived in the suburbs of Coruscant’s capital, Galactic City, in a vanilla subdivision full of opulent mansions and manicured hedges. Kylo honked again.

“Have you been here before?” Hux asked, looking out of the window at the quiet neighborhood.

“Yes,” Kylo said, “I have to play cribbage with him and his friends on Thursdays.”

“Are you serious?”

Kylo honked again.  

“Are you sure he doesn’t need help getting out of the house?” Hux asked, “That’s a lot of stairs.”

“He can walk,” Kylo said, rolling his eyes and pulling out his phone, “He’s just slow.”

Kylo called the Supreme Leader, and smacked on his gum as Snoke answered.

“Hello?” he bellowed.

“We’re here,” Kylo said, “I’m outside in my shuttle.”

“Is that you honking?”

“Yes.”

“Well, quiet down,” Snoke said, “The noise ordinance states --”

“Can you hurry up, please?” Kylo said, “I flew halfway across the galaxy to pick you up, and I gave you an hour’s notice.”

“By and by, I come,” Snoke said and hung up.

Kylo sighed and slouched down in his seat. Hux watched through the window as a family walked their Shih Tzu. They waved at him and Kylo didn’t return it.

The Supreme Leader emerged nearly 15 minutes later, moving slowly down the stairs and across the lawn. He was wearing sunglasses and a straw bucket hat.

“I always forget how short he is,” Hux muttered. Kylo lowered the ramp.

“That’s his hungover outfit,” Kylo murmured, moving his cloak from the seat behind him so the Supreme Leader would have somewhere to sit.

“It’s a terrible hat.”

The Supreme Leader boarded slowly and then sat behind Kylo with a huff.

“Supreme Leader,” Hux said, rising, “Good morning and Happy Space New Year.”

“Sit down,” Snoke huffed, “And I heard your comment about my hat.”

“Where are we going?” Kylo asked, firing the engines back up.

“To brunch,” Snoke said.

“I fucking know that,” Kylo snapped, “ _Where_ are we going to brunch?”

Snoke buckled his seatbelt. “Language, Kylo,” Snoke admonished.

“Where are we going?” Kylo asked again.

“I don’t know,” Snoke said, “General Hux was supposed to make our reservations.”

“What?”

“I emailed you last night, General.”

“I wasn’t checking work email,” Hux said, “I was at a party.”

“He learned the lean and dab,” Kylo said and Hux felt his face blush.

“It was a nice party, I heard,” Snoke said.

“It was fine,” Kylo said, “Where are we going?”

“My party was -- what are the the younglings saying now?” Snoke asked, “Lit?”

“Please don’t, Supreme Leader,” Kylo said with a sigh.

“I didn’t know I was supposed to make a reservation,” Hux said.

“That much is clear, General.”

“Let’s try Bob Evans,” Snoke said, “I like their sausage patties.”

“I can’t eat at Bob Evans,” Kylo said.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s the worst place in the galaxy.”

“We’re a little grumpy this morning, aren’t we?” Snoke said, taking off his bucket hat and setting in his lap, “You heard about your wedding I presume?”

“I’m not having a wedding,” Kylo said, lifting off from the ground now.

“Have you told your mother and Poe as much?”

“I don’t want to talk about this, Supreme Leader.”

“I think you should marry Poe,” Snoke said, “I hear he’s good in bed.”

“We are not talking about this, Supreme Leader!” Kylo yelled as he fired up the engines and took off at too great a velocity for their suburban setting. A mailbox blew over.

“He was at my party for a while last night,” Snoke said, “He’s handsome. He had three dates.”

The shuttle tore through the atmosphere.

“Where are we going?” Hux asked.

“We’ll get brunch on D’Qar,” Kylo said, making another hasty jump to lightspeed, “So we can go straight to my parents’ estate after.”  

“Heavens,” Snoke said, gripping the arms of the seat as the ship tore through space, “Do you not have a pilot’s license anymore, Kylo?”

“Of course I have my license,” Kylo said, half-heartedly setting their destination and switching on autopilot.

“You’re going to get us into a mid-air accident. And I know you don’t have insurance,” Snoke said.

Kylo’s phone rang. It was Phasma.

“Hello?” Kylo answered, still on speaker.

“Kylo!” Phasma yelled, “You’re getting married?!”

///

**10 a.m. Local Space Time**

“The wait for a table for three will be two hours and twenty-five minutes, sir,” the hostess said, looking down at her list of tables, “Can I get your first name.”

“What if we get a table for two and I can stand?” Kylo said, looking around. He’d chosen a Michelin star brunch spot, founded by one of his classmates. The decor was cool and calm, and the line was out the door. They were known for their inventive brunch dishes that blurred the line between playful and classic. Hux had read about it online on the way.

“Couldn’t you just round up to two and a half hours?” Hux murmured, “For the wait time?”

The hostess popped her gum and checked her list. “An hour and forty-five minutes for a table for two,” she said, “Do you want to put your name in or not?”

///

**10:15 a.m. Local Space Time**

“Three hours,” the host said shortly. Kylo stared.

“Can we get take out?” Kylo asked. This was their fourth stop. The average wait time was rounding out at two hours and forty minutes, Hux had calculated. Kylo had picked this place too, the result of two more of his culinary school classmates. This one was known for their award-winning Dutch Baby pancakes and robust coffee selection. Everything in the restaurant was white, and the entire menu was in French.

“I want a table,” Snoke said from beneath his bucket hat.

“I don’t have three hours to wait, Supreme Leader,” Kylo said, “I need to cancel my wedding venue by noon or I lose my deposit.”

“We don’t do takeout,” the host said.

“Do you know of anywhere we could get brunch without the three hour wait?”

The host shrugged. “It’s the most popular brunch day of the year, sir.”

“I know that now,” Kylo said.

The host shrugged again. “You could try Bob Evans?”

///

**10:30 a.m. Local Space Time**

Kylo put their name in for a table for three at Bob Evans while the Supreme Leader put a quarter in the gumball machine and turned the knob. Hux popped three more Advil and sat on the cowhide bench next to a snot-nosed toddler.

“Do you want a gumball?” Snoke offered.

“No, Supreme Leader,” Kylo muttered, “I don’t want a gumball.”

“Hux?”

“I’ll pass.”

“Suit yourself,” Snoke said, popping three gumballs in his mouth.

Kylo stood next to the 50-cent mechanical horse ride and ran his face over his hands.

Snoke sat on a stool and looked at Hux. “So you went home with Kylo, I heard.”

Hux shut his eyes slowly and rubbed his temples.

“Who told you that?”

“It was on Snapchat?”

“Who taught you how to use Snapchat?” Kylo asked.

“Captain Phasma,” Snoke said.

“Who put it on Snapchat?”

“Captain Phasma,” Snoke said.

“Goddamn it,” Hux muttered.

“How was it?” Snoke said.

“No,” Kylo said, tiredly, “We’re not doing this.”

“That bad?” Snoke asked.

“I don’t remember anything,” Hux said.

“That’s too bad,” Snoke said, “Kylo enjoyed it.”

“Snoke!” Kylo yelled, making the snot-nosed toddler jump, “Stop it!”

“Well you never tell me anything,” Snoke mourned.

“I don’t want to talk to you about who I go to bed with!”

“You tell Captain Phasma everything!”

“She’s my friend!”

Snoke huffed. Hux sighed, his stomach lurched. “I’m going to go puke now.”

///

**10:45 a.m. Local Space Time**

They were seated fifteen minutes later and given menus, water and coffee and time to look over the menu.

“I’ve emailed my vision for 2017 to both of you,” Snoke said, “I trust you’ve read it?”

“When did you email it?”

“Yesterday morning,” Snoke said.

“I didn’t get it,” Hux said, pulling out his phone now and surfing through his email.

Kylo checked his phone too. “I didn’t get it either, Supreme Leader,” Kylo said, “Did you send it to [ kyloren@firstorder.org ](mailto:kyloren@firstorder.org)?”

“I sent it to you on Facebook,” Snoke said, putting on his reading glasses to inspect the menu.

Kylo sighed. “Supreme Leader,” Kylo said, “We’ve been over this. Facebook isn’t the same thing as email.”

“But it’s all on the internet, isn’t it?” Snoke said, looking up at him.

“To send me an email, you have to go to Gmail,” Kylo said, “I showed you how to do this.”

“I couldn’t find gmail.”

“I bookmarked it for you.”

Snoke shook his head. “But I like Facebook.”

Kylo sighed and opened Facebook while Hux looked on. His Facebook page was littered with wedding congratulations. Among the dozens of messages in his feed, there was one from Snoke: FIRST ORDER VISION FOR THE NEW SPACE YEAR.

“Supreme Leader,” Hux said, “This is a terribly insecure way to share sensitive and highly-confidential First Order information.”

“But you have to log-in to Facebook,” Snoke said, “So it’s safe.”

“It’s not safe, Supreme Leader. Anyone can hack into Facebook, but our servers contain multiple layers of security and decryption to protect hackers and malicious bots from--”

“Don’t bother, Hux,” Kylo said, “Please don’t send anymore First Order plans, strategies or schematics to us on Facebook, okay? It’s very dangerous and risky.”

Their waitress returned. “Are you ready to order?”

Snoke sighed and squinted at the menu. “I think I need a little more--”

“No. Yes. We’re ready,” Kylo said quickly, “Do you use real eggs or egg product?”

“The eggs come in a carton.”

“Do you make your sausage here or does it come frozen?” Kylo asked.

“Frozen.”

“Is your jam house made?” Kylo asked.

“It’s Smuckers.”

“Okay,” Kylo said, shaking his head, shutting his menu and handing it back to her, “I’ll have the Steel Cut Oatmeal. Plain.”

“For you, darling?” the waitress said, looking to Hux.

“I’ll have the double chocolate hotcakes with extra whipped cream,” Hux said, “And extra powdered sugar.”

She nodded and took his menu.

“For you, sir?”

Snoke squinted at the menu. “Does everything come with sausage patties?”

“Not everything,” The waitress said, “But most breakfast platters come with your choice of a meat.”

“Does the choice of meat include the sausage patties?”

“Yes, that includes the sausage patties.”

“Does the country fried steak and eggs come with sausage patties?”

“No.”

“What about the sunshine skillet?”

“No.”

“What about the biscuits and gravy?”

“No.”

“The French Toast?”

“No.”

“The hotcakes.”

“No.”

Snoke sighed. “What _does_ come with the sausage patties?”

“Most of our breakfast platters come with your choice of a meat.”

“Does the choice of meat include the sausage patties?”

///

Snoke had spent 15 minutes ordering before letting Kylo do it for him. They’d gotten him a Farmer’s Choice Breakfast with extra sausage patties.

Kylo scrolled through the Facebook message containing Snoke’s vision for the New Sace Year.

“Supreme Leader,” Kylo said, “Is this the same vision as last year just updated with this year’s space date?”

“Yes,” Snoke said.

Hux felt his eye twitch. “You brought us to brunch to make us read the same vision?”

“Well we didn’t accomplish any of it last year!”

“That’s because this is outrageous,” Hux said, reading from the message now, “Install jet tubs in all senior officer quarters. Plan a company retreat. Upgrade furniture and fixtures throughout. Hire a Jedi apprentice for Kylo.”

“It’s not outrageous,” Snoke said.

“It is,” Kylo said, “We don’t have enough hot water on the Finalizer for jetted tubs. The staff refuses to go on a retreat. We just upgraded furniture and fixtures. There aren’t any Jedi apprentices left because you told me to kill them all.”

“I didn’t think you’d actually succeed in killing them _all_ ,” Snoke said, _“_ I figured there’d be a few stragglers. _”_

Hux sighed. “Supreme Leader,” he said, “Maybe we should consider tactical military goals for the First Order. Like disarming the Resistance or taking their most valuable troops and pilots as prisoners of war.”

Snoke sighed. “I suppose,” he said, “But I want to talk to someone about the jetted tubs.”

“Was this really your entire vision, Supreme Leader?” Kylo asked as he finished scrolling through the message.

Snoke shrugged. “You don’t like it?”

“It’s frivolous,” he said.

“Kylo-,” Hux began.

“Hux is right. We need to consider tactical military strategies,” Kylo said, “We need to disarm The Resistance and disable their systems!”

“Kylo, I-” Hux began.

“No! Supreme Leader, they had a missile locked onto the _Finalizer_ last night! They could’ve destroyed us,” Kylo said, “Our chance to cripple them is _now_ and you want to waste time and resources on jetted tubs!”

“That’s not necessarily true,” Hux said, “About them destroying us. Our shields would have--”

“We can’t be concerned with hot tubs and company retreats!” Kylo interrupted.

“Hot tubs are different than jetted tubs, Kylo,” Hux said.

“How the hell did you get this job, Supreme Leader?” Kylo asked.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Who appointed you?”

“I appointed myself.”

“You appointed yourself?” Kylo yelled.

“Kylo, please. Now isn’t the time to--”

Kylo silenced Hux with a pinch of his fingers. Hux cringed, then pulled at the collar of his shirt. Kylo’s gaze was locked on the Supreme Leader.

“Well maybe you should un-appoint yourself,” Kylo yelled, “Because you don’t even understand the Force and you clearly aren’t capable of--”

Snoke silenced Kylo with a pinch of his fingers this time and Kylo’s face grew red with fury. Kylo managed to choke Snoke back, but still didn’t release Hux. They sat there in choked silence, no one willing to be the first to let go.  

The waitress arrived to drop off their food. She balanced the tray on her shoulder and looked over the silent table. “Steel Cut Oats?”

///

**11:45 a.m. Local Space Time**

Snoke had picked up the brunch tab, then fired Kylo, then demanded to be driven home.

“I don’t have time to fly you back home,” Kylo said as he lifted off from the Bob Evans parking lot, “I only have 15 minutes to cancel my wedding venue.”

“Also you just fired me, so I shouldn’t drive you anywhere,” Kylo added.

Snoke was refusing to take a seat. He held onto the overhead compartment instead. “Your insolence will cause the downfall of all that we’ve built.”

“You mean all that Hux has built.”

“Supreme Leader, I--”

“Because you haven’t done shit,” Kylo said, “Hux has built the First Order from the ground up and you know it! While you’ve been posting Fox News articles to Facebook and throwing your father’s money at ships and weaponry, Hux has been building an army and choreographing the military strikes that put you in power in the first place!”

“And we are are very grateful for your financial support, Supreme Leader. The First Order is most fortunate to have--”

“Without Hux, and without me, The First Order would just be another startup in the Outer Rim and you know it!” Kylo yelled.

Snoke scoffed. “You don’t know anything about what it takes to build a military superpower!”

“And you don’t either!” Kylo yelled.

Hux sighed. “Please,” he said, rubbing his temples, “Let’s put time on the calendar to talk about this when we’re not hungover and flying over enemy territory?”

“No. You and Snoke can talk all you want,” Kylo said, “Because I’m done with the First Order!”

///

**11:55 a.m. Local Space Time**

Kylo touched down carelessly in the front lawn of the Organa Estate and killed the engines.

“I’m staying here with the ship!” Snoke yelled.

“Fine!” Kylo yelled over his shoulder, lowering the ramp and stomping away.

Hux sighed. He followed Kylo down the ramp and looked around. The estate was beautiful, with lush greenery and dozens of types of tropical flowering plants Hux had never even seen before. The house was set off in the distance, a large brick and stone structure sitting on several acres of pristinely kept land. Hux had grown up in military barracks, surrounded mostly by military furniture and cold, grey stone.

Kylo was sprinting across the lawn and Hux followed at a more reasonable pace. He watched as Kylo lifted a hand and flung the front doors open, then entered. He heard yelling and screaming. Something shattered. By the time Hux arrived, Kylo was engaged in a shouting match with Han Solo, _his father._

They were yelling about Boy Scouts as Hux looked around the house. It was terribly ornate, with hand carved wood and sparkling tile throughout. There was a portrait of a disgruntled baby Kylo hanging in the entryway.

Behind him, Hux heard beeping, and turned to see an orange and white BB droid wheeling across the lawn and through the doors. Behind him, a ruggedly handsome pilot dressed in his flight suit and carrying a helmet under his arm. _Poe?_

“Where is he?” Kylo turned and yelled once he sensed BB-8. BB-8 beeped, his antenna standing straight up. Poe entered and BB-8 wheeled back to hide behind Poe’s leg.

“You threatened my droid?!” Poe yelled, throwing his helmet to the ground near Hux’s feet. Hux stepped back.

“You lied! Han just said you knew about this! She told you at the party last night!”

“I didn’t think she’d actually do it!”

“You should’ve told me!” Kylo yelled.

“You don’t answer my calls!” Poe yelled.

“Because you always cause drama!” Kylo yelled, “Like this entire wedding!”

“I don’t!” Poe said.

“You do!” Kylo said.

“This isn’t my fault!”

“Yes it is!”

“I don’t know what you want me to do, Kylo,” Poe said, “But you can’t threaten my droid! You scared him!”

BB-8 was cowering behind Poe’s leg, beeping nervously and shaking. Kylo looked at the droid and his gaze softened. He sighed.

“I’m sorry, okay, bud?” Kylo said, “I didn’t mean it. I won’t disintegrate you. I was just angry.”

BB-8 beeped something.

“I am still angry, but not at you, okay?”

BB-8 beeped sorrowfully.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. It’s not your fault,” Kylo squatted, “I heard you just got new wide-range sensors?”

BB-8 lifted his head excitedly, then looked up at Poe.

“You can show him, bud,” Poe said.

BB-8 wheeled over to Kylo, his antenna sticking straight up. He beeped excitedly and Kylo laughed. Hux watched as Kylo talked to this droid, somehow, and the entire room chuckled. Poe turned to face him.

“General Hux,” Poe said, extending his hand, “A pleasure to meet you -- sort of. Not really.”

“Poe Dameron,” Hux said, “I’ve heard of you.”

“You’re Ben’s boyfriend?”

“No,” Hux said.

“Oh?” Poe said, “Why are you here then?”

“We’ve just left brunch at Bob Evans,” Hux said, “It’s a long story.”

“Bob Evans?” Poe asked.

Hux nodded.

“That’s too bad,” Poe said.

Hux sighed. “I’d really like to get home, but we can’t go anywhere until Kylo cancels your wedding.”

“Do you want to marry him instead?” Poe asked, smirking, “We can scratch off my name put yours.”

“No,” Hux said, his expression grave.

“Ben,” Poe said, turning back to Kylo and BB-8, “Are we cancelling this wedding or not, babe? We only have a couple minutes.”

///

**12:00 p.m. Local Space Time**

When they arrived at the East Garden booking office, Leia was there meeting with the florist she’d hired.

“Ben,” she said, coming over to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, “I’m glad you two are here. The caterer is coming next.”

“Mom,” Ben said with a sigh, taking her hand. BB-8 beeped a hello, but Poe shushed him gently.

“You know I’m not marrying, Poe,” he said gently.

Leia shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

“We hate each other,” Kylo said.

Hux looked on, sure he’d just heard Poe call Kylo _babe._

“No, you don’t,” Leia said.

“Yes, we do,” Kylo said.

“No, you don’t,” Hux spoke up now, “Did no one else notice that he just called you, babe?”

“Who did?” Kylo asked.

“Poe! He just called you babe.”

“No, I didn’t,” Poe said.

“Yes, you did!”

“He did,” Han said. BB-8 beeped in agreement.

Kylo sighed. “We aren’t in love anymore, mom.”

“Sure you are,” she said.

Hux shifted his weight.

“We can’t be married in two weeks,” Kylo said.

“So you _are_ in love?”

“Mom, please,” Kylo said, “Let me cancel the venue?”

///

**12:15 Local Space Time**

After Kylo had canceled the wedding, Leia had invited everyone back to the estate for tea. Snoke had reluctantly hobbled across the lawn to join them. 

They all settled in the living room as Leia poured water for everyone. The mood was decidedly sour. Kylo sat on the loveseat with Hux. Snoke sat in a chair by himself, and Han, Leia and Poe all huddled on a sofa. BB-8 had parked himself at Kylo’s feet and Kylo rubbed  his head.

“How’s the First Order?” Han asked.

“I quit,” Kylo said.

“I fired him,” Snoke said.

“Well I would’ve quit anyways.”

“Well I fired you first.”

“Had another argument?” Han asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Kylo said.

Han nodded.

“How was your New Year’s Eve party?” Leia asked.

“Everyone got too drunk, Hux learned a new dance and then we slept together,” Kylo said.

Poe nodded. “I knew it.”

“Stop it, Poe,” Kylo said, “I can’t believe you knew about the wedding and didn’t do anything.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s over now.”

“I almost lost $20,000.”

“But you didn’t,” Poe said, then added, “And we could’ve just gotten married, you know.”

Hux felt his face blush.

“Sorry,” Poe said, noticing Hux’s blush, “Forgot your boyfriend is here.”

“Hux isn’t my boyfriend.”

Poe shrugged. They sat in awkward silence.

Poe finally broke the silence. “Does anyone want a Bloody Mary?”

///

Poe had put a record on the lighten the mood, then went to the kitchen with Han to make Bloody Mary’s. Snoke had dozed off in his chair and BB-8 had challenged Hux to a game of dejarik. They played on the floor and Kylo laid his head on a fluffy pillow in his mom’s lap and watched them. She ran her fingers through his hair and watched them play too.  

“Did you like the prank this year, honey?” Leia asked.

Kylo sighed. “It was a pretty good one, mom.”

“Better than the Boy Scouts?”

“Better than the Boy Scouts,” Kylo said and shifted his weight, “I can’t imagine what you’re going to do next year.”

“A wedding announcement for you and Hux?”

“No,” Kylo said, “I think Hux would have a stroke.”

Leia laughed and tucked Kylo’s hair behind his ear.

“Will you let me plan your real wedding one day, Ben?” she asked after a few moments.

“Of course you can, mom,” he said, “Just not today.”

“I know,” she said. They sat for a few moments in comfortable silence, watching Hux and BB-8 play their game.

“And you know I wouldn’t have charged your credit card, right?” Leia said, “I just wanted to see you.”

“I know,” Kylo said, “But you don’t have to threaten to make me marry Poe to get me to come over. You could’ve just invited me over for tea. I would’ve come.”

“But you’re always so busy,” Leia said.

“I’m never too busy to come see you, mom.”

“Okay,” she said, leaning to kiss his hair. They were silent for a while.

“Did you really get fired?” Leia asked.

“Yep,” Kylo said.

“What are you going to do now?” Leia asked.

“Move back home and bother you all day probably,” Kylo said, yawning again.

Leia chuckled. She rubbed his hair. “But really,” she asked, “Are you done with the First Order?”

“No,” Kylo said with a sigh, “Snoke will hire me back. We just had a fight.”

“I figured as much,” Leia said.

“Unless you want me to move back home and bother you all day?”

“You’re always welcome to come home, Ben,” Leia said.

Kylo nodded. “I’ve been thinking about the Outer Rim soup kitchens,” Kylo said after a few moments, “I think I’d like to do that this year.”

“That’ll be nice,” Leia said, “Let me know if the Organa Foundation needs to make a startup donation to help, okay?”

Kylo nodded, yawning.

“Tired?” Leia asked.

Kylo nodded. “We were up late.”

“You can shut your eyes for a few moments if you want to, honey,” she said, leaning to kiss his hair again, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay,” Kylo said, “Thanks, mom.”

“You’re welcome.”  

“Happy Space New Year. I love you, mom,” Kylo said, shutting his eyes.

“Happy Space New Year. I love you too, Ben.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Carrie. Obviously.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr! [its-the-neon-bible](http://its-the-neon-bible.tumblr.com/)


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